Another Boring Scenario
by I'm Not Wearing Any Pants
Summary: Stretched out into multiple chapters when one would have sufficed.


I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. It could easily be a few simple paragraphs if you cut out all the pointless filler and get to the bare bones. And when you get to the barest of bones, there's barely a story to be found. At least the parody is confined to one chapter.

"Oh, boy, yet another D'Void centric story elongated into multiple chapters of useless filler that overall contributes nothing new and exciting for fans, nor expands any way interesting on the canon," D'Void announced to his waiting Null Guardian army. "It just has me doing a lot of cutesy-poo diddle-squat again with my family of Null Guardians whom I love unconditionally and who love me back with every fiber of their hideous being, and are in no way being controlled against their usual empty-headed wills by me." He smiled. He looked around eagerly. "I hope my annoying baby Mary Sues are in close proximity! Gosh, I love them so. When I don't see them jammed up my tight, perfectly rounded ass 24/7, I start wondering where they went to and if they tragically died again! Which they probably did!"

He started petting his other cute little Null Guardians until he started wishing he had more hands. Like a certain Tetramand who always happened to show up and murder off his precious Mary Sues and yell dumb things at him in beige prose.

"I know! I'll slave that one stupid alien black guy and force him to cuddle my cuties," D'Void declared. "This paragraph was highly useful to the story. Not intensely awkward in any way. So much so that it could have been cut entirely and nothing important would have been lost," he said. "Other than all the constantly reinforcing of how cute and cuddly I think Null Guardians are. Expository dialogue like a boss. Writing is hard, but I am the GREETEST at it."

He clapped his hands together and decided to further the plot from its pointless rut.

"I AM CONTINUING TO ANNOUNCE EVERYTHING I AM DOING IN A THOUGHT DIALOGUE," he spoke. "Oops, I should have thought that instead."

A Null Guardian showed up.

"This didn't need to be another chapter," D'Void continued on.

He heard a distressed cry of his precious Null Guardians. He ran.

"Oh no! Nobody better be hurting my precious babies! And by that, I mean all my army of Null Guardian slaves, not just the Mary Sue ones created specifically for me to ridiculously obsess and cry over."

Indeed, he witnessed those two infernal scapegoats, I mean the Helpers, engaging in battle with his precious Null Guardians.

"NO, they're doing exactly what I didn't WANT them to be doing!" D'Void fumed. He stomped his foot. "That is so conveniently plotted, I'd almost say...it was very conveniently plotted!"

Manny shot a Null Guardian. It fell down. It probably died, tragically.

Helen engaged in awkward beige combat until she didn't. She saw D'Void and promptly shouted out some typical expository dialogue recalling the events of Voided.

"That's what I did, so it doesn't have to be written in detail," she yelled while pointing her hand skyward. "Writing is hard!"

"I will yet again announce reiterations within both spoken dialogue and reflective inner monologues," D'Void shouted.

"Epithets are fun! You can never use too many!" Helen the blue alien Kineceleran female called out while she whizzed past. "They're not an obnoxious telltale sign of an amateur writer!"

"My army and I will kill you a lot," D'Void said. He shook his fist.

"Nuh uh," said Manny.

"Uh huh!" D'Void asserted.

"USELESS FILLER DIALOGUE!" Manny yelled. He fired his guns everywhere.

"Awkwardly written unexciting battle scenes," Helen yelled, jumping onto a random Null Guardian. Manny joined her.

"Hey! Those are MY Null Guardians! Mine, mine!" D'Void tantrumed intensely.

"U MAD?" Manny shouted as they flew off.

"Of course I am! I'm selfish and petty!" D'Void hopped onto a Null Guardian and gave chase.

"RELATIVELY UNEXCITING CHASE SEQUENCE," all three yelled as they flew around aimlessly. Probably for hours. No one was keeping track.

"I'm continuing to announce my thoughts and actions!" D'Void yelled. "Also, in canon, my absence from absorbing the energy off burning kormite wasn't enough to render me utterly powerless, but we'll go with that. It's easier to get me abused and sobbing that way. Huzzah for plot convenient vulnerability!"

"Shut up, D'Void!" Manny threw a rock. "Stop telling instead of showing!"

D'Void dodged the projectile. "You're doing it too, you loser," he yelled. "No one likes you because you're that black guy from Teen Titans and weeaboos are notoriously racist!"

They weren't paying attention, so they crashed onto a random floating boulder.

"Ow, damn it," Manny groaned.

"Ha ha," D'Void taunted seconds before he smashed into a rock. He fell onto another rock below that rock. "Ow."

"Jackass," Manny hissed.

"Oh no, the lack of burning kormite makes it hard for me to continue being a total badass! At least I'm still conventionally hot to all the predictably shallow white dick obsessed Suether shippers out there who love telling other far more dedicated fans who are far more expansive in both their likes and their knowledge about how little they know about the canon or the characters they adore with all their heart and soul, and how they do not even watch the series at all. And also how they are just mean haters who lack talent and creativity. What a bunch of mouthy hypocrites! Amirite?" He cleared his throat. "What'll I do now?" D'Void bit at his bottom lip. "Ooh! Yeah! My army!" He ordered them to attack his enemies.

"Fuck you, D'Void." Manny shot him with three lasers at once.

"AAAAAH!" D'Void screamed. He fell down. He did not soil himself. But he did begin to gush torrents of blood from his wound holes.

"Hey, you know, since in canon the Null Guardians immediately fell out of D'Void's control once the furnace stopped being powered, so, like, wouldn't he begin to lose his mass control over them without access to the kormite if we're going for that aspect here?" Helen foolishly questioned the logic.

Manny twirled his guns. "No, because his Null Guardians LOVE him unconditionally and do everything without being explicitly commanded by sheer force of will and consider him family and believe he's their BIG HUGGY DADDY BEAR, and whatever else nonsensical cuddly-poop weeaboo fanon based dreck, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Helen recalled.

"It's...time for...chapter four," D'Void said before passing out.

When he woke up, it was chapter four. Only not here. Where everything has been conveniently rewritten into a single chapter with what amazing Chinese secret, we shall never know. Whisper, whisper, it's called spending well over 12 years of your life actually LEARNING how to write, expanding your knowledge and skill instead of sitting there whining that you're positively flawless in the face of even the most mild criticism while never growing outside your pathetic little box of narcissistic comical failure.

"Where's my precious adoptive family of Null Guardians?" was the first thing D'Void predictably groaned upon waking up.

"THEY'RE GONE! START CRYING!" Helen yelled.

He was about to, but restrained himself long enough to engage in more explanatory dialogue about the ongoing current events of the story.

"Enslaving almost everyone in the Null Void," Manny said for the umpteenth time. "D'Void." He made a sassy head maneuver after placing his hands on his hips and going "Mmm hmm! Guuurl!" It was very stereotypical.

"I'm still obsessively nice and am going to be obsessively nice to you even though I have a vagina. I should be mischaracterized as a complete bitch, or constantly referred to as slut and whore if I dare look at any male character who has become popular with the easily enraged weeaboo Suethor crowds," Helen said. "Luckily, this is slightly different. I will be forever characterized as overly motherly, considerate, and accommodating to everyone. Because vaginas only have three default characterizations in fandom. The smothering mother figure, the Madonna/Whore Complex state, and the mewling perpetually abused plot device damsel." She held up a spoon with baby food on it. "Now open wide for the choo-choo!"

D'Void shut his mouth tightly. He turned his head away. He began to fuss. He grunted loudly in anger. He stomped his feet.

"I want my Null Guardians!"

"Well, you can't have anymore. You've been a bad boy and now they've been taken away,"said Helen.

D'Void grunted with fussy irritation. "No!"

"You're going to end up in a time out, Mister." Helen wagged her finger. She held the spoon out again. D'Void knocked it away.

"You're a bad cook, and you're UGLY and STUPID and NO ONE LIKES YOU!" he yelled. "NO ONE WANTS TO SHIP YOU WITH MANNY! I EVEN SAW AN ANTI-HELEN/MANNY VIDEO DEDICATED TO HATING YOUR DUMB BLUE SCALY LIZARD ASS! IT WAS SO UNBEARABLY PETTY, I HAD TO LAUGH. I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW! BITCH!"

"Well, I never!" Helen gasped with a mild Southern Bell accent.

Manny slapped him upside the head. "Fuck you, D'Void!"

"Ow!" D'Void recoiled before tearing up a little. But just a little. "Oh, you're going to pay for that, sucker. OP doesn't like it when I'm injured by anyone else but their designated fetish fuel station attendant Mary Sues," he spoke ominously.

"So what," Manny spat.

"So," D'Void began before rising up and grabbing both Helpers by their throats, "that means I'm going to fucking viciously MURDER you again, little scapegoats! I have to take my occasional ultra grimdark violence out on somebody, now that Tennyson never shows up to defeat me anymore!"

"Aw, fuck! This wouldn't...happen...if we were...conventionally hot...white dudes," Manny choked out before actually choking. To death.

"No, it probably wouldn't," D'Void said. He smirked. "Unfortunately for you, that's me. For once in my life. And no one will take it away from me. NO ONE!"

Helen and Manny tragically died.

No one sobbed hysterically over them. No one ever would.

An unspecified amount of miles away in another yet now canonically connected same universe, Doc "Solomon" Saturday shivered. He shed a knowing tear. Then he tragically died of an unexplained plot device related illness and Drew immediately married Van Rook. They had a lot of hot, nasty, hilariously not subtle racism and misogyny fueled abusive sex while sobbing hysterically.

Fucking weeaboos, how do they work?

The End


End file.
